Photo by @audin
In the last chapter we talked about Peace and how it plays an important role when trying to change. We talked about the 3 truths. This article we will talk about how we can make “I am enough” true in our lives.
In the chapter on Peace, we saw the effects of not being “I am enough” in our lives. We set off on a hunt to fix the reason why we are not enough. This keeps us busy doing what we think we have to do, rather than what we want to do. As a result we are always busy but never satisfied.
The Obstacle
The effects of being “I am not enough” come to the fore when we hit an obstacle in the path of our work. The negative self-talk of “I am not enough” acts as resistance to dealing with the obstacle. At times, this can have us avoid the obstacle altogether by forcing us to quit.
This can cost us many an opportunity due to lack of trying, even though, in truth, the obstacle may have been something we could have handled.
Remember that the mind always gives up first before the body.
Even if we do not give up, the extra resistance of the negative self talk slows us down and tires us. So you may reach your goal, but every step is coloured by stress and fear of failure.
Its important, then to setup the “I am enough” way of being.
Affirmation
The simplest way to install the “I am enough” way of being is to Affirm to yourself that you are enough. This could be as simple as placing a sticky in a very visible place that says “I am enough” and reading it regularly or Write it on your bathroom mirror and read it every morning.
When the negative self talk rears its ugly head, just repeat to yourself “I am enough.”
This works because, usually, there are no grounds for being “I am not enough”. The very fact that you are still around means that whatever you have been dealing with has not overwhelmed you. YOU ARE ENOUGH for your current life! It may feel like a valley of brambles, but you are enough.
Preparation
One of the easiest ways to fall in the trap of “I am not enough” is to fail. The human brain deals with failure in a very negative way. The feeling of failure is so bad, that the default behaviour is to never try it again.
The way of being “I am not enough” makes sure you never try again.
So it’s important NOT TO FAIL. Just kidding :-). If you are trying to achieve success in any field you WILL FAIL.
At Least for the smaller trials remember to prepare well. This advice works as a general rule as well. Do the work that is given to you to the best of your ability. Do the necessary preparation.
Handling Failure
So you failed. Even better, suppose the stakes were very high, everybody told you not to do it, but you went ahead anyway and you lost a shit tonne of money as well. You are crushed, and chances are you are being “I am not enough” maybe even “I am a failure”.
The first thing to do is to separate what happened from your story.
What happened is the description of real things that changed. Say I put in 1 crore and lost that money. My investors put in X crores and basically lost all of it. My employees spent 5 years working for X rs per month salary and I can’t pay them that anymore.
Everything else about what happened is your story. It usually has a lot of emotions and drama etc. Now look at what happened and see if you can do something about that. You usually can’t do much about the drama etc anyway.
Mind Your Language
Instead of Labelling yourself as Failure, be specific as to what you failed at.
I failed at creating a sustainable business. (say)
The mind usually labels the self as a failure to avoid dealing with the story you have about what happened.
That gives you a way of being “I am a failure”. To avoid falling down that rabbit hole, do the exercise of splitting what happened and story again and again and feel the emotions that come up. Any psychologist will tell you that healing will happen only by feeling and working through those emotions. It may feel like swallowing poison, but it’s the only cure.
Acknowledgement
Finally, make sure you acknowledge the things you do well.
Our problem is that we undermine the things we make, while giving other’s creations undue credit.
Do good shit and acknowledge yourself for it.
If you do something that is sub-par, tame your inner critic and come up with a list of aspects that make the effort sub-par. It is always a finite list. Then make an action plan to get better (if required).
Other People
Sometimes the cause of being “I am not enough” is because you are surrounded by A**Holes.
No-one can make us feel inferior without our consent.
Can you lead in conditions where everyone basically thinks you are useless and convey that with their bad behaviour. Even in those situations, can you succeed? Even if their criticism is unfounded ? Can you create what you set out to create ? Can you make your adversaries worry about you succeeding anyway ?
What is key here, is to filter other people’s criticism of you. Pick out where you need to improve and do that. Flush the malice and misbehaviour. In your journal separate what happened and your story. The story will contain all their malice, petty thinking, insecurities etc. What is left is a list of things you need to improve on.
This is true Leadership Alchemy.
Turn other people’s shit to rocket fuel.
Always keep in mind that you are enough.
By maintaining a way of being of “I am enough” you have access to more opportunities and more inner resolve to take advantage of those opportunities. Also, if you fail, you will be able to pick yourself back up quicker and try again. You will also be able to convert people’s shit to fuel.