Photo by @marigard
We looked at things stopping us from changing and we also looked at the difficulty in choosing a good direction. We also did a small exercise to get in touch with the way of being that touches us. We don't have an idea yet what we should create, but we know we need to start with a way of being. This chapter is about creating that way of being in any situation in your life.
Who are you being that life shows up as so ?
In high-conflict situations, its as if something grabs a hold of us and forces to take on particular ways of being. Similar to drunken episodes where we do things we are not proud of, sometimes, our way of being makes us take inappropriate actions that we are not proud of. What is it that stops us from being the way we want ?
The unconscious being
Until now, your way of being has been created unconsciously. When you were growing up, you *decided* you need to be *this* way. For example, You took on the job of a manager so you decided you *have* to be serious. You started a family and quickly realised that you need to keep the peace, so you became *passive*. You did not choose these ways of being, you felt that that's how you need to be.
Tools of Being
The truth is that you can *be* any way you like at *any* time. Ways of being should be tools in your toolbox. For example, if you are next to speak on the stage before a large audience, you need to be able to create a *confident* way of being. Also, you need to be able to switch off ways of being when you don't need them. For example, at home you need change from being a manager to being a father.
Indoctrination
As you were growing up, your way of being was systematically connected to the value system of the social group around you. Disregarding what you wanted or felt, you started working to rise in value in the eyes of your social group. This is not all evil. Some level of training is required for you to fit in, into society at large.
The problem is that instead of searching out a situation where you can thrive, you settle on a place where you can survive. The problem is that as you grow, that situation may become intolerable which may affect your survival.
Creativity in the moment
A human being has, thanks to evolution, vast resources of creativity. Lack of creativity is punished by Mother Nature, while its abundance is rewarded. This is a fact of nature.
Is creativity just about having great ideas ? No. Creativity is about being able to create the life you want. To do that you need to be creative moment to moment. Remember, your habitual ways of being and acting will tend to keep you in the same situation in life. To change you need to be creative moment to moment. Creative about what ? Creative about your way of being.
For example, if you allow your stressful way of being to percolate into your personal life, you can't create a loving family situation. While being stressed has its uses in pushing you to do what you need to do, it’s not useful when interacting with family.
The Practice
Thanks to our lifelong indoctrination, we seldom think about creating a life we want. While we spend huge blocks of time on making a living, we spend hardly any time on making a life worth living. To start creating the life you want, you first need to practice creating.
The process of creation can be put very succinctly as "What you say happens". I am sure we have all seen movies where sorcerers whip up whatever they want by chanting various spells and waving their magic wands. That creative power is lying dormant within you but you need practice to bring it back to its former glory.
The practice is very simple. Just get up every morning and think about one thing to do that you would not normally do. Then do that through the course of the day. Try and choose things that have no reason to be done OR choose something that you have been avoiding. Start small and then slowly choose tasks that you feel a heavy resistance to.
Why will you do it? Because you said so.
In the evening, write down your experience in your journal. Did you do it ? if so what was your experience of doing it. What was your way of being ? If it wasn't to your liking, how would you have liked to be ?
If you didn't do it, write down how the task occurred to you ? What were the feelings and emotions that came up ? What do you think stopped you ? Again just watch now, don't try and change anything. Just write everything down. Repeat the process daily.
Remember the practice doesn't have to be "successful", it is just practice.
Ask yourself, who do you need to be, to do that thing. Can you figure out a way of being for that task that would make the actions more effortless. Instead of being *bored* by it, can you be *curious* ? Instead of being *frustrated* by it, can you be in *allowance* of it ? DO NOT USE FORCE.
Inspire yourself with a way of being and take actions that arise naturally from it.
Integrity
Without integrity nothing works
Integrity, is the state of being whole and complete. If an engine has integrity, all its parts are in good condition and functioning well. Similarly, if there is integrity in our life, there should be ease and performance. The truth is, we are all broken in some way or another and that's why in certain aspects of our life what we say doesn't happen. That is also why we lose control of our way of being.
Learning
The process of saying and creating, will bring up a number of impediments that are controlling your way of being. We will discuss those in the next few chapters with ways of dealing with them.